Parents, you DO NOT want to miss this one…
Posted on October 14, 2014 in Uncategorized
I read an article recently that has had me reeling and I would be willing to bet that your response would be much the same. A friend of mine recently shared a link to a Huffington Post article with me called “When Your Teen Wants to Have Sex in Your Home” by Paula Greenspan. Allow me to give you some of the “high points”.
The article begins:
“It’s one thing to know your kids are having sex. It’s another thing for it to happen at your house, with your permission. High50’s Paula Greenspan reports on how to navigate this tricky topic.
Where do you think your teenage children are having sex? It’s better to let them do it at home, say some experts.
It’s no secret that sex is a big deal for teenagers. They think about it, they talk about it. And usually, they do it.
On average, both males and females in the US and UK first have sex at 16. Which, if you’re the parent of a teenager or young adult, can suddenly start to feel very real.
Have you ever wondered where all those teenagers are doing it? Nobody likes to think of their child taking risks by having sex outdoors or in the back of a car. But what’s the alternative for them?
Well if they’re living with you, there’s a good chance that the safest place for your kids to have sex is under your roof. Which is a pretty uncomfortable thought for a lot of parents. So what do you do when he or she asks for a partner to stay over?”
The author goes on to say that if your child is asking about having their partner stay over you need to be sure they are both ready to have sex and that they really want to before giving your permission.
Again quoting from the article:
“According to Suzanne Pearson, psychologist and director of Sharing Parenting, there’s no right age to begin allowing your child to have partners stay the night. “However, most parents tend to consider it more over the age of 16,” she says.
Yes, 16 is the federal legal age of consent (it varies from state to state, and in some it’s actually younger) but that doesn’t mean sexual maturity suddenly kicks in at midnight on your child’s 16th birthday. There are other things to consider as well.
How well does your child know his or her partner? Is it a happy, committed relationship, or just a fling? Can your child handle the emotions of a sexual relationship? Are they putting themselves at risk of a sexually-transmitted disease or pregnancy?
How well does your child know his or her partner? Is it a happy, committed relationship, or just a fling? Can your child handle the emotions of a sexual relationship? Are they putting themselves at risk of a sexually-transmitted disease or pregnancy?”
Are you kidding me? How well do two 16 year old children know each other??? And by the way any relationship among children is a fling and not a committed relationship. Are they putting themselves at risk of disease and pregnancy?? YES!!!
Some of you may be wondering, as I was, what about the other child in this sleep over situation? Does he or she have parents who should have a say in this whole twisted situation? Well, they cover that as well…
“When young children ask to sleep over at a friend’s house, you’d probably call the friend’s parents to check it’s OK with them. However, when sex is involved with your older teens, you might want to think twice before picking up the phone.
It’s a grey area and a very difficult decision for parents to make.
Suzanne Pearson believes that by making that call behind your child’s back, you’re crossing a line. After all, just by asking your permission and involving you in the relationship, your child is showing trust in you. One phone call could break that trust.
“If you ring the partner’s parents you’re undermining your relationship with your son or daughter,” she says. “But if you really want to do it, make sure to ask for your child’s permission first.”
Not everyone agrees with this approach. Dr Linda Mallory, educational psychologist and author of Parentuality: How to Have an Amazing Relationship with your Child, has a different take on things.
“It’s about the health and safety of everybody involved,” she says. “It’s about being open and honest, and in order to do that I would feel it was important to speak to the other child’s parents.”
So what do you do? One mum found middle ground when her 16-year-old son wanted his girlfriend to stay for the weekend.
“Rather than asking, he more or less told me that she’d be staying over for the weekend. I didn’t ring her parents but I knew his girlfriend well and I spoke to her on the phone to ask if her parents had agreed,” she said. “She said they had, and after having a think and a chat with my partner, I agreed too.”
I have the privilege of working with teenagers and their parents every day and it is one of the joys of my life. From that perspective, this article is an example of liberal, immoral hogwash. Children are not equipped to handle the gravity of a sexual relationship physically, emotionally or spiritually. To suggest that sex had in their bedroom is somehow “safer” than in the back seat of a car is ridiculous. Disease and pregnancy not to mention heartbreak and depression can be the result regardless of where the act takes place.
As a mother, this makes my blood boil. How dare one parent take away the right of another? What makes a parent think that they can give another person’s child “permission” to sleep over and have sex in their home? Parents can choose to parent their own children how they see fit but do not have the right to get in the way of another parent and their child.
The article begins:
“It’s one thing to know your kids are having sex. It’s another thing for it to happen at your house, with your permission. High50’s Paula Greenspan reports on how to navigate this tricky topic.
Where do you think your teenage children are having sex? It’s better to let them do it at home, say some experts.
It’s no secret that sex is a big deal for teenagers. They think about it, they talk about it. And usually, they do it.
On average, both males and females in the US and UK first have sex at 16. Which, if you’re the parent of a teenager or young adult, can suddenly start to feel very real.
Have you ever wondered where all those teenagers are doing it? Nobody likes to think of their child taking risks by having sex outdoors or in the back of a car. But what’s the alternative for them?
Well if they’re living with you, there’s a good chance that the safest place for your kids to have sex is under your roof. Which is a pretty uncomfortable thought for a lot of parents. So what do you do when he or she asks for a partner to stay over?”
The author goes on to say that if your child is asking about having their partner stay over you need to be sure they are both ready to have sex and that they really want to before giving your permission.
Again quoting from the article:
“According to Suzanne Pearson, psychologist and director of Sharing Parenting, there’s no right age to begin allowing your child to have partners stay the night. “However, most parents tend to consider it more over the age of 16,” she says.
Yes, 16 is the federal legal age of consent (it varies from state to state, and in some it’s actually younger) but that doesn’t mean sexual maturity suddenly kicks in at midnight on your child’s 16th birthday. There are other things to consider as well.
How well does your child know his or her partner? Is it a happy, committed relationship, or just a fling? Can your child handle the emotions of a sexual relationship? Are they putting themselves at risk of a sexually-transmitted disease or pregnancy?
How well does your child know his or her partner? Is it a happy, committed relationship, or just a fling? Can your child handle the emotions of a sexual relationship? Are they putting themselves at risk of a sexually-transmitted disease or pregnancy?”
Are you kidding me? How well do two 16 year old children know each other??? And by the way any relationship among children is a fling and not a committed relationship. Are they putting themselves at risk of disease and pregnancy?? YES!!!
Some of you may be wondering, as I was, what about the other child in this sleep over situation? Does he or she have parents who should have a say in this whole twisted situation? Well, they cover that as well…
“When young children ask to sleep over at a friend’s house, you’d probably call the friend’s parents to check it’s OK with them. However, when sex is involved with your older teens, you might want to think twice before picking up the phone.
It’s a grey area and a very difficult decision for parents to make.
Suzanne Pearson believes that by making that call behind your child’s back, you’re crossing a line. After all, just by asking your permission and involving you in the relationship, your child is showing trust in you. One phone call could break that trust.
“If you ring the partner’s parents you’re undermining your relationship with your son or daughter,” she says. “But if you really want to do it, make sure to ask for your child’s permission first.”
Not everyone agrees with this approach. Dr Linda Mallory, educational psychologist and author of Parentuality: How to Have an Amazing Relationship with your Child, has a different take on things.
“It’s about the health and safety of everybody involved,” she says. “It’s about being open and honest, and in order to do that I would feel it was important to speak to the other child’s parents.”
So what do you do? One mum found middle ground when her 16-year-old son wanted his girlfriend to stay for the weekend.
“Rather than asking, he more or less told me that she’d be staying over for the weekend. I didn’t ring her parents but I knew his girlfriend well and I spoke to her on the phone to ask if her parents had agreed,” she said. “She said they had, and after having a think and a chat with my partner, I agreed too.”
I have the privilege of working with teenagers and their parents every day and it is one of the joys of my life. From that perspective, this article is an example of liberal, immoral hogwash. Children are not equipped to handle the gravity of a sexual relationship physically, emotionally or spiritually. To suggest that sex had in their bedroom is somehow “safer” than in the back seat of a car is ridiculous. Disease and pregnancy not to mention heartbreak and depression can be the result regardless of where the act takes place.
As a mother, this makes my blood boil. How dare one parent take away the right of another? What makes a parent think that they can give another person’s child “permission” to sleep over and have sex in their home? Parents can choose to parent their own children how they see fit but do not have the right to get in the way of another parent and their child.
Tomorrow I will continue with my thoughts on this article and we will consider what God’s Word has to say about our current culture.
My love,
