Apologies are in order.

There are those rare occasions when one would just like to be gut-level honest.  I am having a wonderful Friday evening and not because everything is perfect.  What if I said, everything isn’t perfect, in fact, far from it?  We are in a difficult season with our family business, my husband is stressed, I am stressed.  My oldest is 21 hours away (that’s with no inclement weather, mind you) with my 3 grandbabies and precious daughter-in-law.  Within the last 10 days, I kissed my g-babies goodbye for the next 5 months.  There is something seriously wrong with that! 🙁 My baby girl is a junior in high school, did you catch that?  A junior!!!  Meaning, we are months away from the empty nest?! How did that happen?!  My Jake, is 9 hours away knocking his freshman year of college out of the park…but he is 9 hours away and I am weeks away from hugging his neck.

Recently, I received an email from a precious middle school friend–I bet I haven’t seen her in 25 years, what?!  She was emailing me about something very raw and very personal to her, but something she said to me in the opening paragraph of her email has played itself over and over and over in my mind: “It seems like you have everything.”

It seems like you have everything–thus, the need for the apology.

I apologize for the following posts and many more that people (and myself) innocently, but rightly post:

• For all of the vacation posts,
• For the perfect report card posts,
• For the beach, 40-year-old body posts,
• For the millionth dollars made in our new business venture,
• For the intact, healthy family relationships for 10 generations posts,
• For the graduation and going to a division 1 university posts,
• For the 8,000 people saved this year posts,
• For the completely healthy, gluten free, no preservatives, home grown diet posts,
• For the homecoming queen posts, and
• For the my son is home on fall break posts.

I do not have it all.  Neither does anyone else on your Instagram feed, though we make a good show of it!   I will tell you that my family has some of the same crises yours does:  I don’t see my grands for months at a time.  My baby girl is one of my best friends and will be leaving soon.  I have crow’s feet…did you get that?!  My son at A&M is still learning the ropes and every morning I talk myself out of driving 9 hours to see him.   My husband has been at this insurance thing for 3 years, and…well?  My mom passed away much too soon.  I don’t see my dad much these days.  I love my work, but it certainly has its difficult moments.  I need to lose a few pounds and it is imperative I make these hair appointments to take care of the gray…I mean highlights. 🙂  I don’t always have my dishes or laundry done, and I am no pioneer woman.

Whoa.  I said it was a wonderful Friday night, didn’t I?  Well, tonight Brian is quail hunting, Madi is at a football game with her friends, Jake is on a weekend break and in Galveston with buddies, Tanner is at home in Montana from an Air Force run of several days with his bride and babies…I took a hot bath (haven’t had time for a long bath in years)!  I am home alone.  I have listened to my favorite worship music, sought the Father and decided to pen these words.  My crisis isn’t your crisis, so I will spare you the details.  I apologize for times that my social media posts, or anyone else’s, bring you to tears.  We are all just trying to make it.  I know it seems that everyone’s life is much easier, more prosperous, and just down right better than yours.  My life is far from perfect and I give you my sincere apologies if I have made it seem any other way.  I cried just today because there are parts of my heart that are broken.  But, maybe the next time we see someone else having a “perfect” life, maybe we could have a different perspective.  What if we consider that our Facebook “friends” don’t have a perfect life either.  Most of the time, their life is hard, stressful, emotional, overwhelming, monotonous, and messy–maybe our friends are just trying to celebrate the good times when they happen and get through the difficult, much like we are.

As I have been home alone, well,  alone with One Majestic Guest, He reminded me that He is with us.  He is our Defender, our Protector, and our Friend.  I am pretty blessed.  As are you.  Let’s focus on that He is enough for us all.  He makes my night and my tomorrow wonderful.  Let Him do the same for you.

Much love,