According to a 2011 survey conducted by the Pew Research Center’s Internet & American Life Project, 95 percent of teens between 12 and 17 use the internet, 27 percent of this group uploads video, and a whopping 80 percent use social media sites like Facebook on phones and the computer.

Recently, I had the privilege of working with a phenomenal group of college students.  I have told you about them before.  We sometimes refer to them as the Lifeguards.  One of the questions that we asked the group was, “What do you consider to be the biggest struggle for students who fall in the 12 – 17 year old age group?”

Here are their responses:

• Identity
• Comparison
• Sexual temptation
• Self-image (appearance)
• Fitting In 

Do you see the train wreck waiting to happen?  We have 80% of teens highly engaged in social media like Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram who are also dealing with issues like identity, comparison, sexual temptation, self-image and peer pressure.  What a dangerous situation.

I am not saying that all teens should be forbidden to engage in social media because that is simply unrealistic.  However, balance and boundaries are imperative.  

On average, teens spend over 7 hours each day participating in social media and the internet.  How and when did we as a culture decide that this kind of fixation or addiction should be considered permissible or normal? 

Everyone’s life looks better on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or vine.

• We have young ladies struggling with their own self-image because they are reading the high points of their peers’ lives in a Facebook stream.  Everyone’s life looks more perfect and glamorous on their twitter feed than it does in real life. 
• Young men are posting videos and comments about their sexual encounters with young women and photos and videos of teens drinking and partying are commonplace.
• Selfies – we need to make sure that our young people now where their identity lies.  Selfies are definitely a way to try to gain approval and value.  Know the popular hashtags. (For example, #MCM = man crush Monday and #WCW = woman crush Wednesday.) 
• Cyber-bullying – same concept as sexting.  They will say things on Social Media they would never say in person.
• We have all heard of young ladies committing suicide over social media posts.
• Social media has taken the regrettable, embarrassing moments experienced by teens of 15 years ago in the presence of 20 people at a party and magnified it into a humiliating display for literally millions.  These images can and will come back to haunt them.  Universities and employers often research a person’s social media accounts before granting admittance or offering a position.  Can you fathom the implications of that?

If you are going to allow your teen to use social media, you need to have access to all of their passwords and logins.  You would be wise to look at the pages of their friends as well.  You won’t have to look far to see what takes place in their world.  As my favorite president, Ronald Reagan once said, “Don’t be afraid to see what you see.”

Here is program to help you track social media. You link your children’s accounts to it and the program will send you reports on risky behavior and flags inappropriate language. Obviously having access to your child’s account would eliminate the need for this, but you may find this this website, Social Shield, helpful.

Be aware of these popular apps…

Snap Chat – This iPhone app allows users to send photos that will “self-destruct” within 10 seconds, encouraging kids to feel more comfortable “sexting” with peers. Once the recipient opens the pic, the timer starts and the image destructs once the time has expired. This app gives kids a false sense of security in sending inappropriate pictures or texts; however, damage can still be done within a specified time frame.  Talk to your child about the dangers of sending risky photos.  The recipient is able to take a photo of their screen with the text is showing.  This creates a problem when that recipient forwards or shows others.

Chatroulette  - Log into the site and people are randomly connected — over video, audio, and text — with another person logged into the site.  Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott has issued a consumer alert warning parents to keep their children away from video chat Web site Chatroulette.  One estimate, from the Texas Attorney General’s investigation, is that nearly half of the people found on the site were behaving in inappropriate ways.  Just what you would want your middle schooler to be party to, I’m sure.  An analysis of Chatroulette traffic earlier this year by RJMetrics provided the following results:

• 89% of single people were male, 11% female. In fact, you are more likely to encounter nobody at all than a single female, and twice as likely to encounter a sign requesting female nudity than you are to encounter actual female nudity

• 1 in 8 sessions result in something R-rated or worse, including explicit nudity, and lewd act.

 
Puff or Blow Skirt – Beware Peeping Toms! Although these apps are not full nudity, your children can blow a lady’s dress up … literally. Once downloaded, the user can blow into the microphone or use a swiping motion to lift the skirts of girls in pictures. While most are wearing underwear, it still sends the wrong message.  Do we really want our children participating in something like this as a joke or to pass the time?

Poof by Cydia. With one touch, Poof makes apps disappear before parents’ prying eyes, allowing young users of “jailbroken” iPhones to virtually hide apps they don’t want you to see. All your little tech genius needs to do is open Poof and select which app he or she wants hidden, and you’ll never know it’s there.

KiK Messenger. This kicky app for all types of smartphones is a mini social network. Similar to iChat or Google Chat, users can talk to multiple people, upload pictures, files and even send built-in greeting cards or sketched pictures. The reviews read like dating ads, with users looking to get to know more people. This app has become a way for teenagers to sext with strangers. Make sure you talk with your kids about the dangers of “meeting” people online!

There is simply no substitute for spending time together as a family.  Make memories together.  Time goes so quickly.  I want to savor every moment I have with my family.  I remember sitting on the couch last Christmas with Jake and Madi and realizing I have 6 more Christmases with Madi living our home and only 4 with Jake.  As a mom, I am simply not willing to give over all the priceless time I have with my children to be consumed by Facebook and a cell phone.

What ever happened to enjoying the great outdoors or family dinners at the table?  I am not sure where the appreciations for those types of things have gone, but I am quite sure that we as a society would do well to find them. 

There certainly is a lot to consider and we have only scratched the surface.  It is our job as parents to be informed.  The sad truth is much of the material that you as an adult would view on some of these sites or by using the apps could cause a problem for you.  Yet, we are allowing our children to access them even if unbeknownst to us.  

Thank you for walking with me through another review of technology and social media.  We must constantly be educating ourselves.  We must constantly encouraging each other to stay on guard.  We can know more than our kids. We can be aware of what’s out there.  Let’s encourage each other to be mindful about devices, apps, platforms and whatever the next big, hot, popular thing is.  We may not know before our kids do…but let’s not be complacent; let’s give it our best shot to find out.  

My love,